June 3, 2013 - Noooo. Nope, nope, nope.

Oh hey!

So, I am now a missionary in Minnesota. I feel like it's been a whirlwind since I wrote you, and even since I chatted with Mommy-daddy in ze airport. So let me give you the DEETS.

The flight was delightful. I sat next to our travel leader, Elder A, who is devastated that we aren't allowed to go to Mall of America while here, and also has a voice along the lines of a Tyler Hammond or a Richard Simmons. He's the best. Also, he had a large grocery bag of Chewy granola bars. Best seat in the house? I ain't hatin' it. I kind of alluded to it, but I felt prompted to write our beautiful flight attendant a letter. She was this gorgeous, middle-aged black woman in a bright red dress. World's best smile. I felt SO much love for her. So I just wrote her a note about all the great things she is, told her I felt God's love for her and her kindness was a way I felt God's love for ME, and slipped her a Mormon.org card. I KNOW, I KNOW. Every new missionary is like... I CONVERTED SOMEONE ON THE FLIGHT OVER. I don't know that I did at all. But I just wanted to share some love. She came over and reached across the person in the aisle and grabbed my hand and just thanked me over and over. She was lovely. Privilege was all mine, you tall drink of water. I hope we are homies in heaven.

Also, maybe my row had this conversation about how I picture every single person in Minnesota somehow being elderly and female and owning a cat sweater and having their nails DID and having a prominent china cabinet in their home. I don't know. It's plausible.

President and Sister C greeted us in the airport. They were all smiles and called me Cousin Ballif, which I'm all about. Family connections! We had an awesome mission training, I picked up my bike, GOT FED REAL FOOD. I can't handle how good homemade Minnesota food is.  I'll be honest, the whole day is a disoriented blur, especially because of the lack of sleep. But a happy one. :) So... on to my trainer.

Sister Q is from Hurricane, Utah. She says HURRICIN. Which I love. Also, when I was terrified about who they'd call up to be my trainer, she ran up with a smile on her face and hugged me for a long time. I needed that. We are the sister missionaries reppin' the Minnetonka area! I know. Minnetonka. My favorite brand of Mocs. Too good.

So Sister Q! She's honestly incredible. Annnd, we both miss the red rock, or any mountains in general, like nobody's business. Boom. Two for two on best companions in the world. She is SO hard-working and hilllllarious. She's a volleyball champ and also can play pretty much any bomb instruments. And she has Ariel hair. If I had to describe her in terms of people we know, it'd definitely be that she's a cross between Jamie Clegg (which, all right, throw that girl in anything and how can you go wrong?) and my sister Torrrri. I love every minute with her. She's super compassionate, and so good at helping me out without every making me feel small. She's a great listener and so patient. We're on the same page about most errrrrthan. It's like we've been together for years. Kind of bizarre.

Being a missionary is the best thing! 10 out of 10 doctors recommend! Like honestly. Knockin' doors is the funnest thing ever. Like... yeah, we get maybe one person who lets us finish every few hours. But we knock every last one! And we have so much fun. I'm excited about what we're sharing. Would I be embarrassed if we were delivering news about a free Mercedes Benz or a million dollars? Nope. Not one bit. So why would I be shy about SALVATION? Although. First night, before we headed home for nightly planning and to unpack, Sister QT-pants had me go tracting. :/ But I ended up being led (trust me, I am not that awesome. No handiwork of mine involved whatSOever.) a street and a house where the guy was super open to talking and we challenged him to be baptized. He asked for a Book of Mormon and we'll see him Fridee. :) The Lord is nice. Cause honestly. I was shaaaakin' in my boots. Couldn't tell, though. THANKS THEATRE. But mostly the Lord.

Second day was a whole bunch of lessons, like five, I think? And craziness. Got thrown right in there. I love it! And I love all the different people we teach. So many different walks of life, and so much to share. I love getting to know each and every one. It is such a privilege to step into the love Heavenly Father has for someone for a minute, or for 18 months. I'm so humbled to be here. All I want to do is help these people. Also, we had a really rough night that night, feeling weird, WHEN WHAT TO MY WONDERING EYES SHOULD APPEAR BUT GANDALF! Just kidding. Kidding NOT kidding. This is real. He was dressed like Ragast the Brown, but it was clearly him. So we stopped and took a picture. I know it seems like a small thing, but it was a tender mercy, because the Lord knows me. He knows me THAT well. Even the funny things like that. Today, when we were shopping at Target - OH YEAH! So, Target is BASED out of Minnesota, so no Walmarts. Their Targets are LEGIT! - one of my favorite songs came on. That's What's Up, Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes. (I believe it's on that CD I left some of you cuties?) I NEVER heard that on the radio ever. So that was another tender mercy. Stuff like that happens about 50 times a day, and it's the Lord telling us He's happy with us and to keep on keepin' on. We just have to see it that way.

Ummm. What else? Sister Q was super weirded out by me because I was so chill going into our first lesson. I told her after what the inside of my brain looked like. Picture 80 ADD kids all fighting over those circle things in the park that you run next to and then hop on. Name escapes me. I don't know anything about life. Okay. So. Picture that. And picture them all hopping on and screaming at the tops of their little lungs. That's me, every time we go into anything. But I know anything I'm capable of isn't coming from ME, and that's best assurance He can give to me. I don't have to be a perfect sister missionary. I have to be a perfectly obedient Shelby, and He works through that in love. I am so lucky.

Minnesota is straight-up BEAUTIFUL. No getting around it. Cutest houses. SO green. Sweetest people. Even when we get rejected, it's not ever terrible. Depends on the neighborhood, though. When we knock apartment buildings in Hopkins, the rejections that come flying through the cigarette smoke are sometimes colorful. But always story-worthy. We live in Wayzata with ward members. We have the whole basement to ourselves. It's this brick castle in the middle of the woods. Ridiculous. We have a kitchenette, a big-screen (yeah, those Mormon messages look GREAT up there), a fireplace, huge couches, bathroom with a heated floor, a library full of forbidden books I can't touch, and a home gym. No big deal, just heading on over to my personal gym this morning. HIIIIIIII. But also. They have the most glorious antique-y copies of the Lord of the Rings trilogy in that library, so I made a deal with Sister Q to never let me alone in that area of our home. Anyway. We are REALLY blessed, and it helps us focus on what needs to be done.

Knocking doors with Sister Q is the best. Examples for you? This one lady was TERRIFIED when we said we were Mormons. Legit wide-eyed fear and shaking voice. Umm...sorry, bye? One of our favorites Saturday (which was a long, looooong day of tracting. So fun.) was this old man who looked at us, saw our name-tag, and says, in THICK Minnesotan accent, "Ohhhh, noooo. Nope, nope, nope." And backed into his house. I say it every time something makes me feel weird now. ALSO. Sister Q knows all the Kristen Wiig SNL skits, so we do those in between doors. Before knocking, Lawrence Welk. "And a-one, and a-two, and a-three." Before lessons or baptismal invites, "OHhhhhhhhMYYYYgaaaaashhhhh! They're gonna be SO SURPRISEEEED!" Hahahah. Ah. If we weren't obeying all the rules, I'd say we were having way too much fun to be missionaries.

Something I've LOVED about even this first week is the better understanding I've gained about how Heavenly Father feels about each of us. How He roots for us each day, how badly He wants to check and wants us to check in with Him. He is reaching out in our lives ALL the time, if we're willing to see. Even in a song, or in a magical Gandalf statue. It's funny, but also, I'm serious. He is so aware of us as individuals, as exactly who we are. He wants to help us be who we can become, the best version of YOU there is. He doesn't want you to fit in a specific box. He just wants you to do good things and be good things while being the unique, flawed, talented creature that He made you to be. It's so humbling and kind of awesome to feel that. We've had some investigators REALLY move forward, and some really fall back. And it breaks my heart, and also makes me understand just HOW invested God is in each of our daily lives, our little decisions. We are so loved, and so known. I think that's my favorite thing to share with people when we talk.

I just love the moments where I know that we have the opportunity to do as Christ would do, when WE get to be that way Heavenly Father works that day. It's always Him, and sometimes He lets us jump in, too. Like when we knocked a door this week and found a less-active who just moved here and didn't know how to find the church. Or when we knocked on the door of a sweet man who cussed us out and told us we weren't Christians, but who by the end was crying and talking about his mother, who he'd been caring for the last eight months and who died last week. I also love the times we get to stop by less-actives. And not just because Sister T makes us SLAMMIN' Ecuadorian food in exchange for our brownies and drop-by, but because I know when we tidy her house, or when we listen to another member, or when we just sit with an elderly woman who can't make it to church and listen to her reminisce, we are doing as Christ would do. It's not all FIND, FIND, FIND, and baptize, although that's obviously a goal. It's retention, too. I love these people so much. I feel so lucky to put myself in their shoes, to be that listening ear or that shoulder for fifteen minutes or an hour or half an hour or two minutes or WHATEVER. Missionary work is literally being a representative of Jesus Christ, and it's a call to everyone - missionaries and members.

I love this gospel. It's true. Totally true. Toooootally true. I love these people. I am happy.

I love you all dearly.

May 29, 2013 - Arrival in Minnesota

Hey, cute family. I am here in Minnesota! Just in the mission office, telling you I’m happy, it’s raining and humid and BEAUTIFUL, every meal is like a barbecue, everyone has a cute accent, and my bike is BEAUTIFUL. Also, I pulled a note on the flight attendant like I did on the way home from China. Ended up referring her to Mormon.org. Cutie. I LOVED her. And everyone and everything. And you.

OKAY BYE TALK TO YOU SOON. I love you!!!!!!

Sister Ballif

Shelby was assigned to serve in Minnetonka, Minnesota, with Sister Q. as her trainer.

Sister Ballif and her trainer, Sister Q

The missionary digs in Minnetonka

MTC Pics

 Shelby's MTC District

 With her companion, Sister U, at the Provo Temple

 MTC P-Day

 More companion love

 Sister Ballif, making awkward faces since 1993

Filming the opening credits for America's Next Top Missionary...or maybe just making passing people feel uncomfortable.

May 23, 2013 – The Empty Sea

HI CUTIES.

So, week one of the Empty Sea, DOWN. This will be the only letter you get from me here because, by next Thursday, I'm in Minnesooota. Cool.

I think we can all agree those missionary emails that go day by day and hour by HOUR of their week are the hardest to read and not glaze over. So. Overall, just know that I'm learning so much each day. It's NUTS. And the church is true. Heeey. What could I have been doing the last nineteen years of my life if I had applied myself 14 hours each day? Cured cancer? Found Narnia? Ridden an Eagle? Figured out how to keep cats kittens? Welp.

First of all, thank you SO much for the mail. I love hearing from everyone. It's a good day indeed when the District Leader delivers me some love from the postal service. Also, shout out to mama for the prompt response to my SOS package plea. And to the Rasmussens for sending me some Tasty's love and that sweet note! I was District Mom of the DAY when I distributed those bad boys. The only person I shared a blueberry with was my zone leader. Cause let's be real. That's the highest form of respect I know how to give.

I have had so many good experiences here, and had SO much fun. It's crazy to me that I've been here a week. Everyone says that and you're always like, yeah, yeah, life in the MTC sounds WILD. But kind of it is. You do so much in a day that they feel like a week. But here are the things specifically that I wanted to tell you about:

One. Friday was the roughest day for focusing. We'd just had a 14 hour study day the day before, and our brains were like refried beanz, people. We were so frustrated with ourselves, and finally I asked if my companion and I could take a lap outside. While we were out there, these random elders came up and asked us how the MTC was going. They gave us some really reassuring advice and said exactly what we needed to hear. So. Boom. There's that. We ran into the other two sister companionships, also out on a lap, also unable to focus. We decided to pray, and we said how we all feel closer to God in nature. So we all knelt around this tree (which incidentally smells like it's been watered with straight-up cream soda for the last twelve years of its life, but that's another story) and the sisters asked me if I would pray. I just asked for help. I told him we needed peace and focus and assurance. And even as I said the words, we felt it. It sounds like no big deal, but it was so sweet. And as I kept praying, the lightest rain started to fall. It reminded me a lot of laying on a lawn in Fruit Heights back in like, ninth grade, looking at the stars and feeling mist on the wind from the sprinklers a few houses down. And I just remember the pressure in my chest and thinking how beautiful the world that God made for us was, clear back five years ago. And that feeling, and that random happy memory, were so comforting. It was just COOL. And the rain felt like a good memory for everyone else too. I don't know. I think that's tender.

The FOOD. Guys. The longer you stay here, the better it seems, but, like. It's not that bad but it's also... not that good, either. I live on the salad and wrap bar and also waffle fries and ice cream and I NEVER WANNA TALK ABOUT IT EVER BYE SEND HELP BYE.

My companion. Oh my word. There are so many things I want to tell you about my sweet companion. Basically, I have no idea how I got so lucky. Sister U. is the most Christlike person you can imagine. She's purely good. She's from Newnan, Georgia. M'little Georgia PEACH. I've learned so much about courage and testimony from her. She has been homeschooled her whole life, and she's never been away from her family. I know the first week was really rough for her, because every day was a new day of the week she'd never been without her family. But never once has she wanted to go home. You won't hear ANYONE complain about her effort or her attitude. She's the sweetest. She also struggles with dyslexia, and she works so hard. Comp study is way fun because we went and bought her a dictionary, and we go through words in the scriptures she doesn't know. I love it. You can't drop ANYTHING in a 300 foot radius of her, or she'll be there to swoop in and pick it up for you before you even bend down. She's got the world's cutest giggle that I love to make happen, and she's beautiful in every way a person can be. She holds doors, even for elders. And. I look up to her so much.

In our lessons with our progressing investigator, JC, she's been a little nervous, and for the first two, she just wouldn't speak. Welllll, here's the deal. I'm not about to keep talking and deny the investigator the awesome experience of hearing her sweet testimony. So I just let the Spirit simmer until she finds the courage to jump in. Because when she does, it's always pure gold. And it doesn't matter a THING what I have to say if I'm not listening to her and our investigator. I love teaching with her. Also, just I love teaching in general, which I was REALLY nervous for. But then it turns out... you just have to listen to people. And I love that. And then, based on your preparation, the Spirit brings to mind aspects of that planning that they need. But anyway. Back to Sister U. I want so badly to build her up, and to help her see all the great things she is. I have no idea how I got so lucky to have her as a companion, but dayaaang, I'm feelin' blessed! She really struggled with homesickness and confidence in the first week, so I asked my District if we could all fast for her. It was such a good day, and we all felt like we could receive inspiration a lot more clearly because of it. But also, fasting until 6:30 p.m. is an eye-opener. My stomach made more comments in class than I did that day. :/ My FAVORITE part of the day, though, was seeing the tangible change in Sister U. She was happier, more confident, speaking up more. Ahhhh. Yes. It was so good. She has this gift when she talks, where no matter what she says, or if she fumbles the words, what you FEEL is so strong. I don't know. Just she's great. And she takes great care of me and makes me smile everyday. I've been senior companion this week, and every day I have told her how excited I am for her to be senior companion tomorrow when we switch. I... think it kind of freaks her out. But it ain't no thing. And it'll be great to see her step up even more and grow in confidence. She's headed to the Ogden, Utah mission, and they will LOVE her. Or I'mma cut them.

We watched this incredible talk on Sunday by Elder Bednar that's only available to missionaries in the MTC. It's called the Character of Christ. Hi. Friends. If you are heading to the Empty Sea this summer, please use your Sunday film time to go see it. It is life-changing. Throughout the talk, Elder Bednar shares how the character of Christ means that in times of adversity, we always turn outward. He gave several really powerful examples about how the Savior does that in scriptures. Like in the Garden, when he asks the apostles to stay up just an hour, and they don't. And then he's betrayed by a kiss, by one of his dearest friends. And then his other dear friend is so upset that they're arresting him that he chops the guard's ear clean OFF. And what does the Savior do? What is Christ worried about? Healing the guard's ear, and then going peacefully as they arrest him. He doesn't guilt trip the apostles or anything. Or have you ever thought about his last words on the cross? Making sure someone would watch over his mother, and asking God to forgive the people even as they crucified him, for they knew not what they were doing. THAT is the character of Christ. Continually turning outward, when everything inside of you is begging to turn inward, to think about the ways you've been wronged, about the things you want, about what's hard for you, about your set expectations for a relationship or a meeting. I don't know if I explained that very well, but it's a goal I have for the next 18 months and my whole life. To always turn outward.

OH hi. My District. I love them. The sisters are hilarious, we're all in a room together, and they're spiritual giants. Sister S. is a quarter Italian, incredibly giving, makes creepy faces/voices right on par with mine, and is the Sister Training leader for our Zone. Sister B., you already know. But I love her. She's the weirdest person ever, but also beautiful and kind and yep. I like her. Sister R. Quite possibly the most chill individual I've ever encountered. Total tomboy. Total outdoors freak. Sometimes we take walks and smell dirt. I mean. Eh. We just want to hike. Sister F. is great as well. She's had a lot of health issues and seems to have a lot on her plate emotionally, but she has a story for everything and loves sharing. She's great.

Our Elders. Oooooh, the Elders. The first few days they wouldn't look at us or talk to us. ELDERS, your 18 YEAR OLD IS SHOWING. Then they got a talking-to about it. And I was like, YEAH, don't date me, BUT TREAT ME LIKE A LADY. So now we're all homies. Elder C. is our Zone Leader and looks so much like Daniel Murphy. I haaate it. But love it. They just have the same gestures and similar voices and it's bizarre. Elder M. is in his mid-twenties and just an all-around interesting guy. I always enjoy talking to him. He has some unique perspectives. Elder F. reminds me of James Collard, pre-advanced theater. Just quiet and slightly sarcastic, but every 8 hours, I so look forward to whatever hilarious one liner he'll mumble out. Elder W. is so great. He's from American Fork and worked at a burger joint, so when the food is bad, we mix our own sauces. Any friend of sauces is a friend of mine. Can I get an amen? Elder L. is our District Leader, and he's just a complex guy. Everything he says is like the Da Vinci code where it just boggles your mind and enlightens you and slightly horrifies you in the best way possible. So. Elder B. He's like my mom. He looks just like Kylie on Fantastic Mr. Fox. Hahaha. We laugh at all the same stuff. He's from Texas and loves blowing things up. He also loves to tell me about it. But he's a tender little guy. Like when we were fasting, Sister U. is hypo-glycemic, so she couldn't fast, so I'd go sit in the lunchroom with her, so he made the Elders leave study time and come sit with me while we all didn't eat for solidarity. Also, I've been coughing a lot in class cause I have a cold, and this week he comes in and plunks a huge jar of Vitamin C on my desk. No words, except, "Take one with every meal." Hahaha. I love him. He always hears my mumbled comments. These are the things I like about him.

A funny tale or two. The first night, we all slept terribly. The alarm went off and Sister B. said, "Did we even fall asleep?" None of us knew, except that I was in a panic about a dream I'd had. I guess I was like, "GUYS THE DAD FROM FULL HOUSE WAS HERE. HE CAME IN HERE, HE WAS HERE." And they were like, "Bob Saget?" Anyway. I completely forgot the dream until they brought it up at lunch that day. And now whenever things are weird, we blame Bob Saget. He climbin' in yo' windows, he snatchin' yo sistas up. Terrifying. We got a new batch of babies in the zone last night, heading to the HI, and we had to go over rules with them in the dorm. They didn't seem pleased, so I told the tale of Bob Saget the dormroom intruder to lighten the mood. I really think it worked. Soooo. Welcome. We also use him as a cuss word or a threat now. BOB SAGET. I know. We're weird.

Also. I introduce myself as Elder at least once a day. But wait. Why...?

Lastly, I want to tell you about G., our TRC investigator. G. is the most amazing man. So in TRC, they are actors. I know that. But they are encouraged to use their conversion story, and the things you feel for these people are real. G. is from Santiago, Chile, and he's this adorable old man who just LOVES God, loves his family, loves praying. I could talk to him all day. My favorite is just asking a question that we know will get him talking the rest of the half hour. Anyway. Second lesson, I brought El Libro De Mormon, because I know he speaks Spanish as well. I thought maybe he'd be more comfortable with that. We had him read the last two paragraphs of the introduction to the Book of Mormon and talked about Joseph Smith. He loved it. He just kept saying, "Wow. Wow. Too beautiful a story to be true," in his heavy accent. "But not impossible. With God, nothing is impossible." So then I felt prompted to ask if when he prayed, he felt like he'd ever received revelation. He busts out this UNREAL story about his son, who we've talked a lot about, who loves basketball. One day his arm started hurting, and then his leg. And then he got sicker and sicker, and the doctors couldn't figure it out. They said, growing pains. But he got sicker and sicker. It was killing G. to see his son like this. He said, "I felt my son was dying everyday. Everyday he was dying, and I was dying too. I didn't know this, but you can die for love." So then, he's at work, just praying and praying in his heart about his son. He hears a voice that says, G. Go home. Your son has cancer. And G said he just said, shut up shut up shut up, don't think like that, G. But the voice came again, and it wasn't from him. So he left work early, and took his son in. The doctor came out an hour later and said, "I'm so sorry to tell you this, but your son has cancer."

He said he knew God told him so they could save him, or he would've died, maybe even that very night. His son is now healthy and happy and playing basketball again. :) Ahhh. It was so great. So we had him pray aloud, and we all knelt down. He gets nervous to pray aloud with anyone but family, but the second lesson he felt comfortable. Third lesson we went back, had a way funny chat, and started the lesson. He'd been reading the BOM and loved the testimony of the witnesses. He talked about how much that touched him. So then we talked about his feelings about the book as he read. He said he couldn't wait to read the whole thing. So THEN, I felt prompted to ask if he'd be baptized. He said, "Yes, this I will do. I know it's only the beginning. And that it's between me and God, not just me and you." Yessss. That's all I wanna hear. So I asked him if he'd talk to us about his Savior. Ummmmm. He lets out the most beautiful testimony ever. Talks about the Atonement. I look at him, and I say, "In your story you shared last time, about your son. You said you could die for love. That's exactly what our Savior did." He starts bawling, I start bawling, and we just sit. He finishes up, we have a great talk, and as we're leaving, he makes jokes about how we both have allergies to the Holy Spirit. (I'M A CRYER, SUE ME SIDEWAYS AND SHUT ME UP FOREVER). And he just kept saying he loves God, he loves God, he loves us.

I just love him. And I am so excited to go and have experiences like that. Our investigator JC is a whole other bag of jazz, but I'm excited for experiences like that, too. :/ Just anything to make anyone's life better. I love this gospel. I love all of you. I am so happy to be here! Christ lives. Life is so good. Hi.  

With all my heart,

Sister Ballif